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\n\t\nScroll down to learn about the tools and resources to hold these conversations and support each other.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t![\"1920](\"https:\/\/nus.edu.sg\/hwb\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/1920-x-870-Empathy-Respect-Sub-theme-Graphic.png\" "\\"1920")
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When there is a lack of respect, our conversations and interactions become about defending pride and self-esteem. While we seek respect from others, let’s also demonstrate respect ourselves:<\/p>\n
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- Listen before speaking.<\/strong>\u00a0Before\u00a0expressing your viewpoint, listen to what others have to say. Never speak over or interrupt another person.<\/li>\n
- Be emotionally empathetic.<\/strong>\u202fYou can never know exactly what’s going on in someone else’s life – so remind yourself to not be judgmental or impersonal when you speak to another person.<\/li>\n
- Be respectful<\/strong>\u00a0of other people’s language, culture, gender,\u00a0race\u00a0and religion.<\/li>\n
- Value others’ opinions.\u202f<\/strong> Always make sure to value others’ opinions, encourage expression,\u202fconsider their\u00a0viewpoints\u00a0and collaborate\u00a0as the different viewpoints\u202fopens up new ideas and possibilities that are unhindered by our own preferences.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\t\n
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- Crucial Conversations Training: Summary of Techniques. Retrieved from:\u00a0https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/blog\/crucial-conversations<\/a><\/u><\/li>\n
- <\/u><\/u>How to Demonstrate Respect in the Workplace. Retrieved from:\u00a0https:\/\/www.thebalancecareers.com\/how-to-demonstrate-respect-in-the-workplace-1919376<\/a><\/u><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\t\n\n
\n\t\tResources: Empathy & Respect\n\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\t\t\t
- Guide to Healthy Relationships<\/a><\/li>\n
- Empathy Checklist<\/a><\/li>\n
- #JustCheckingIn<\/a><\/li>\n
- LinkedIn Learning & Featured Article<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\t\n\t
\n\t\tGuide to Healthy Relationships \n\t<\/h3>\n\tRelationships – be it with friends or a romantic partner – are part and parcel of university life and have the potential to enrich\u00a0it. It’s okay to have disagreements in a relationship, but this is not an excuse for violence or abuse.
\nWhile everyone has their own\u00a0ideas of what a good relationship looks like, there are some common things that defines a relationship as “healthy”.
\nHere are some tips on how to foster a health relationship.\n\t\t\t\t\t\t1. It’s okay to find communicating challenging, as long as you’re actively working on it<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\n
Find the right time.\u00a0<\/b>Set aside a time when you know\u00a0you will\u00a0be in a calm mood, and ensure you have enough time to discuss the\u00a0matter with the other person.\u200b<\/p>\n
Talk face-to-face.\u00a0<\/b>Avoid talking about serious issues over text as they can often be misinterpreted. Wherever possible, talk in person as\u00a0it allows the both of you to better convey your feelings.<\/p>\n
Don’t\u00a0expect the other person to read your mind.\u00a0<\/b>No one\u00a0is able to\u00a0intuitively know your thoughts or feelings or what your needs\u00a0and wants. Instead, work on communicating these clearly to one another.<\/p>\n
Use “we” more than “you”.\u00a0<\/b>Our words can come across as harsh even if we mean well. “You” statements may make the other person\u00a0feel like\u00a0you’re\u00a0pointing fingers and placing blame, and thus less receptive towards what you have to say. For instance, instead of saying\u00a0“You’ve\u00a0been distant with me,” consider saying “I feel that we’ve be distant lately”.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
2. It’s okay to argue and get angry, as long as you do so fairly<\/h4>\n\t\t\t
\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Be mutually respectful.\u00a0<\/b>Try to stay calm in the heat of the moment. No matter the issue, neither of you should be physically, verbally\u00a0and\/or emotionally abusive. Keep the focus of the argument on the issue and\u00a0don’t\u00a0make it personal.\u200b<\/p>\n
Set rules, be it for arguing fairly, making up or breaking up.<\/b>\u00a0You may, for instance, agree to take turns airing thoughts and\u00a0feelings, not pretend like it\u00a0didn’t\u00a0happen, or break up if the relationship\u00a0isn’t\u00a0work out.\u200b<\/p>\n
Get to the real issue.\u00a0<\/b>Take a moment to evaluate if there is a larger issue at\u00a0hand, and\u00a0be understanding of the other person instead of\u00a0just trying to get your point across.\u200b<\/p>\n
Listen to the other person.\u00a0<\/b>It’s\u00a0natural to want to defend yourself, but this can be counterproductive especially if it involves sarcasm,\u00a0put-downs and dredging up the other person’s past mistakes. Instead, work on listening to what they have to say and talking through it\u00a0with them.\u200b<\/p>\n
Agree to disagree.\u00a0<\/b>It’s\u00a0okay to not agree with your friend\/partner on absolutely everything. If the problem is small sometimes\u00a0it’s\u00a0best\u00a0to just drop it. If you\u00a0can’t\u00a0agree to disagree, it may be a sign that\u00a0you’re\u00a0not compatible.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
3. It’s okay to set boundaries<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\n
Define\u00a0<\/b>your boundaries.<\/b>\u00a0<\/b>You need to know what you like and dislikes, what makes you comfortable and what\u00a0doesn’t, as well as how\u00a0you want to be treated in given situations.\u00a0It’s\u00a0okay to want to care for yourself.\u200b<\/p>\n
Communicate your needs and limits (be it emotional, physical, or sexual).\u00a0<\/b>It’s\u00a0okay to have preferences and to let the other\u00a0person know how important these are to you, but do so respectfully, firmly and clearly. Many boundary violations stem from\u00a0misunderstandings or an unawareness of what these limits are.\u200b<\/p>\n
Set consequences.<\/b>\u00a0Ensure these are practical enough for you to follow through, which provides a clear message to the other person\u00a0that they should stop violating your boundaries. The magnitude of the consequences should also fit the magnitude of the violation,\u00a0otherwise you\u00a0won’t\u00a0be taken seriously.\u200b<\/p>\n
Stick to your boundaries.<\/b>\u00a0Getting others to respect your boundaries starts with you. If\u00a0you are\u00a0serious, others will learn to treat you\u00a0the way you want and need. Otherwise, they might think that\u00a0it is\u00a0okay to cross them.\u200b<\/p>\n
Respect\u00a0each others’\u00a0boundaries.<\/b>\u00a0Treat others as\u00a0you would\u00a0want to be treated, and spend some time understanding what is\u00a0important them as\u00a0you would\u00a0want them to do for you.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
4. It’s okay to end a relationship<\/h4>\n\t\t\t\n
Ask yourself how you feel about\u00a0<\/b>yourself<\/i><\/b>\u00a0in the relationship.\u00a0<\/b>A healthy relationship\u00a0is not\u00a0only about enjoying who the other\u00a0person is but also enjoying who\u00a0you<\/i>\u00a0are\u00a0when\u00a0you are\u00a0with them. If you\u00a0don’t\u00a0feel happy about where\u00a0you are\u00a0right now,\u00a0it’s\u00a0okay to put\u00a0yourself first and admit that it just\u00a0isn’t\u00a0working anymore.\u200b<\/p>\n
Ask yourself how you feel about the\u00a0<\/b>relationship<\/i><\/b>.\u00a0If each day or interaction with the other person leaves you feeling drained and\u00a0is taking a toll on your mental health, you may be in a toxic relationship.\u00a0\u200b<\/p>\n
Take your time to heal and rediscover yourself.\u00a0<\/b>It’s\u00a0okay if you need time to work on yourself before putting yourself back out\u00a0there.\u00a0It’s\u00a0also okay to want to be alone for a while.<\/p>\n\t\t
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Healthy Relationships are G.R.E.A.T<\/b><\/h4>\nGracious:\u00a0<\/strong>You notice and appreciate the little things – like thanking them for waiting for you when you’re late, or cutting them some slack when they’re having a tough day.\nRespectful:\u00a0<\/strong>You value each other as you are. You respect one another’s physical, emotional, digital, and sexual boundaries.\nEqual:\u00a0<\/strong>You make decisions together and hold one another to the same standards. Neither person is in complete control of what the other can do, how they behave, or who they hang out with.\nAuthentic:\u00a0<\/strong>You are honest with each other and feel like you can just be yourself when you’re with them without having to look or act a certain way.\nTrusting:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0You believe what each other says. Neither person needs to “prove” their trustworthiness.\n\t\t
<\/h3>\n\t\t\t
Relationship Violence\u00a0<\/b>can be…<\/b><\/h4>\n\u200bPhysical:\u00a0<\/b>Hitting, punching, kicking, pulling hair, choking, shoving\u200b\nEmotional \/ Verbal:\u00a0<\/b>Embarrassing you in public, threatening suicide, putting you down,\u00a0gaslighting, attempts to isolate\u00a0you from others\/loved ones\u200b\nSexual:\u00a0<\/b>Unwanted touching or kissing, coercing or forcing you to engage in sexual acts\u200b\nFinancial:\u00a0<\/b>Demanding you pay for everything, controlling or withholding the money\u00a0you have\u00a0earned or saved, interfering\u00a0with your job\u200b\nDigital:\u00a0<\/b>Stalking or embarrassing you on social media, constantly texting or calling to check up on your location or who\u00a0you’re\u00a0with, insisting on being allowed to look through your phone and chat history, spreading rumours about you online\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
Love Is… <\/h2>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t \n\t \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
Love Is Not… <\/h2>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t \n\t \n
\n\t\tEmpathy Checklist\n\t<\/h3>\n\tHere are four selected questions from the Interpersonal Reactivity Index (IRI; Davis, 1980, 1983) that are commonly used to measure empathy.
\nReflect on these four statements to have a better understanding of your personal level of empathy.\n\t\t\t\t![\"8-01\"](\"https:\/\/nus.edu.sg\/hwb\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/8-01.png\" "\\"8-01\\"")
\n\t\t\t When I see someone being taken advantage of, I feel kind of protective toward them.<\/p>\t\t\n\t\t\t
I try to look at everybody’s side of a disagreement before I make a decision.<\/p>\t\t\n\t\t\t
I’m often quite touched by the things that I see happen.<\/p>\t\t\n\t\t\t
When I’m upset at someone, I usually try to “put myself in his shoes” for a while.<\/p>\t\t\n\t
References<\/strong><\/h6>\n
Davis, M. H. (1980). A multidimensional approach to individual differences in empathy. JSAS\u00a0Catalog\u00a0of Selected Documents in Psychology, 10, 85.\u00a0\u00a0<\/h6>\n
Davis, M. H. (1983). Measuring individual differences in empathy: Evidence for a multidimensional approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44, 113-126.\u00a0\u00a0<\/h6>\n
\n\t\t#JustCheckingIn\n\t<\/h3>\n\tWant to help or find out if someone is doing okay but not sure how?
\nClick on the banner to learn various tips on how to navigate these conversations with empathy and care..\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t![\"justcheckingin-1-e1616655197291\"](\"https:\/\/nus.edu.sg\/hwb\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/justcheckingin-1-e1616655197291.png\" "\\"justcheckingin-1-e1616655197291\\"")
\n\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\n\t\t LinkedIn Learning & Featured Article\n\t<\/h3>\n\tAs an employee of NUS, you can enrol yourself in 3 digital learning platforms, including LinkedIn Learning.
\nTo access LinkedIn Learning Courses, please apply for an account:\n- \n
- Go to the staff portal HR and Benefits section; or click on LinkedIn to apply for the account.<\/li>\n
- An invitation email to activate the account will be sent to you in the following month.<\/li>\n
- Once the emails arrive, follow the instructions to activate the account.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\t\t
\t\n\tLearn More<\/h4>\t\t\n\t\t\t
Visit the Staff Portal> HR & Benefits>Digital Learning Access<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tListen with Empathy\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tCommunicating with Empathy\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tEmpathy at Work\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tWorkplace Empathy Packs a Powerful Punch: Discover the Jaw-dropping Results\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n
\n\t\tExplore More Resources\n\t<\/h2>\n\t<\/a>\t\t\t
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STAFF STUDENT Scroll down to learn about the tools and resources to hold these conversations and support each other. When there is a lack of respect, our conversations and interactions become about defending pride and self-esteem. While we seek respect from others, let’s also demonstrate respect ourselves: Listen before speaking.\u00a0Before\u00a0expressing your viewpoint, listen to what …<\/p>\n
- Empathy Checklist<\/a><\/li>\n
- <\/u><\/u>How to Demonstrate Respect in the Workplace. Retrieved from:\u00a0https:\/\/www.thebalancecareers.com\/how-to-demonstrate-respect-in-the-workplace-1919376<\/a><\/u><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\t\n\n
- Be emotionally empathetic.<\/strong>\u202fYou can never know exactly what’s going on in someone else’s life – so remind yourself to not be judgmental or impersonal when you speak to another person.<\/li>\n